


Hardly A Domestic Goddess

by DittyWrites



Series: Riddles of the Sphinx [3]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Animated), DCU (Comics)
Genre: Baking, F/M, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2015-11-30
Packaged: 2018-05-04 06:23:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5323844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DittyWrites/pseuds/DittyWrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Selina has offered to bake a cake and Edward has agreed to help her. Cue snark.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hardly A Domestic Goddess

Selina watched with rapt attention as Edward strode around the kitchen to set up their apparent work station for the day. If there was one thing which Edward excelled at, it was being organised. The oven was heating at the correct temperature and the necessary components were all lined up in a perfect order of milk, eggs, flour, vanilla essence and a whole host of other items that Selina was convinced that she did not actually have in her pantry prior to now. “Eddie where did you get this stuff?”

He paused reading the recipe book he intended to follow to give her a questioning look, “From the store? Where I usually buy my food. Is this a trick question?” He smirked as Selina narrowed her eyes at him.

“Smartass. What do you need me to do?” She inquired as she glanced at the unnecessarily complicated looking recipe.

Handing her a small bowl he replied, “You need to pour the flour and eggs into the bowl and whisk vigorously until the batter is completely smooth. Then there are one or two more ingredients to add.” He carefully measured out the necessary amount of butter needed for the cake mixture while keeping an eye on Selina to make sure she had heard him.

Sifting the flour as instructed, Selina watched Edward as he continued to work around the kitchen. His jacket was thrown over the table and he had rolled up the sleeves of his white shirt to allow him better flexibility for baking. Black trousers and a purple waistcoat completed the ensemble and Selina's expression grew fonder as she noticed a smear of flour which Edward was unaware was currently decorating the bridge of his sharp nose. “And how are you suddenly in charge of this little culinary excursion?” She asked, her voice deceptively sweet.

“No offense dear but your cooking ability leaves much to be desired. You are hardly a domestic goddess.” Edward answered honestly as a wide grin lit his features.

Opening her mouth to deny the accusation, Selina was suddenly assaulted with a series of images of her various cooking disasters and she glared at Edward's back. “I'll let you have that one.” Deciding to switch up the topic she continued, “So have you been invited to Harley's party yet?”

“Dent invited me yesterday. He has requested my help with something and he concluded that the party was the best place to organise some details.” He confirmed. “However, I was swiftly dis-invited by Ivy after she discovered that I was due to attend.”

Turning back to her mixture, Selina sighed. “That is what happens when you spray the outskirts of one of her hidden greenhouses with weedkiller. Again.” A small smile played on her lips. “You're lucky she didn't kill you actually.” As she silently continued to whisk the mixture with some force Selina could have swore she felt something tickling her back but she brushed the feeling off. But just to be sure, she spun around after a moment to look at Edward, “Ed, did you just touch me?”

“Not to my knowledge. Why? Do you want me to touch you? I would be more than happy to accommodate such a desire.” He wiggled his eyebrows as he continued to pour in milk to the batter he was creating.

Selina considered her options for a second before smirking and shaking her head. “Nice try Eddie, but if we don't get this cake made in time then Pam will have us both for compost.”

“Factually incorrect.” He argued. “Pamela will have YOU for compost. She has no idea that I am here helping you. Our ability to keep our little, secret rendevous hidden from our fellow rogues is impressive and I doubt that any other moron in this city takes to do with what the masked villains do in their private lives. As far as the world is concerned, I am not here.”

“Well, if I don't get these things baked in time then I will be forced to let slip to Pam that my precious cooking time was unfortunately taken up by an irritating little runt who refused to leave me alone. I will personally name check you to her.” She replied sneakily as Edward raised as eyebrow at the remark.

“So is that how it is? You wound me.” Pouring both of the now-completed batches of batter into the greased tins which were lying out, Edward placed them delicately inside of the hot oven. Pulling the oven gloves off with his teeth, he grinned and spread his arms. “Voila!”

They were interrupted by a sudden, sharp knocking on the front door which echoed throughout the apartment. “Damn! That's Ivy! You need to get out!” Selina hissed in panic after a moment as the knocking on the door increased in volume.

Snatching his jacket from the table, Edward threw it over his shoulders. “And how exactly am I supposed to leave? Ivy is blocking the door.” Selina gestured vaguely behind him and he knew instantly what she was implying. “The window Selina? The window!? We are three floors up! I am not having my genius brains splattered on the concrete over a birthday cake.” He shook his head and crossed his arms.

“BE THERE IN A SECOND PAM!” Selina called out loudly before turning to Edward again, “Use my balcony to drop to the balcony below. The owner is out and he only has a basic lock system which you should be able to pick with no problems. Hurry up or we'll be caught!” She gently shoved him towards the balcony and he stumbled out into the cold air.

Straightening into a more dignified position, Edward swung one leg over the balcony edge as he grimaced at the height. “Selina if I die doing this I am going to be absolutely furious.”

“Relax Ed.” Selina turned to head back into the apartment before pausing and moving quickly back towards the balcony edge to place a quick kiss on his lips. “For luck.”

“I think i'm going to need it.” He gulped as he glanced below. “Shall I come back later tonight after your business with the weed is complete?” A roguish wink graced his handsome face before turning back to its previous worry.

“If you survive then yeah.” Selina smiled as Edward's face lost a little more of its colour.

Frowning as he stood fully on the other side of the balcony railing, Edward murmured, “That's not funny Lina.”

Shrugging apologetically, Selina blew him a kiss as she ran back into the apartment and locked the balcony door behind her. Quickly checking to make sure that no hint of Edward still remained, Selina opened her front door to see Pam standing with her arms folded at the apparent delay. “Sorry about that Pam,” she apologized, “I was indecent.”

“When has that ever stopped you before?” Pam laughed as she entered the apartment and approached the kitchen.

Following her, Selina chuckled. “That is true. So how is the party planning coming along?”

Pam pulled up a seat as she took in the messy state of the kitchen. “Harley is still unaware that I have organised a party for her so it's going really well. Thank you again for offering to make the cake.”

“No bother. I wanted to do something nice for her after that whole museum incident.” Selina confessed while Pam nodded in understanding.

“How is her cake coming along?”

“That's a good question.” Selina replied. “Gimme a sec and I will check to see how the batter is doing.”

“Selina?” Ivy asked hesitantly as she watched Selina walk towards the kitchen, “Why do you have what looks like a large question mark on your back in flour?”

Selina growled as she wiped down her back with the flats of her hands. She knew she felt something touching her back earlier. “I have no idea Pam. Probably just your eyes playing tricks on you.” She shrugged but she swore that she could hear the faint sounds of Edward laughing away at her lame excuse just a few meters below.


End file.
